WHAT IT DOES: Is “signed by Larry Thomas, the actor who played the infamous character in a 1995 episode of Seinfeld“
WHAT IT COSTS: $199.95
WHY YOU NEED IT: You have an “offbeat” sense of humor, and there is no better way of showing it off than by purchasing a signed picture of Larry Thomas (aka “The Soup Nazi”) to hang in your office. Put it in a visible place and scream to the world, “I am familiar with a semi-obscure character from one of the most-viewed sitcoms in the history of television!” Eventually, someone with a similar knowledge of basic pop culture trivia will see it on your wall and scream back “NO SOUP FOR YOU!” Then you’ll be like, “Yup - Seinfeld,” and they’ll be like, “I love that show!” This will make you more popular around your office, which will all but guarantee that big promotion you’ve been gunning for. Before long you’ll be running the place, and people will come into your office and be like “No soup for you… right, sir?” and you’ll be like, “You think I have time to sit around quoting Seinfeld with you, Bill? You’re fired - get the fuck out of my office.” All for a measly $199.95.