The Worst Band Names Of '07
By Kyle Ryan
December 14th, 2007
Each year, The A.V. Club receives hundreds of albums, thousands of press releases, and several thousand more show listings for hundreds of venues around the country. At any given moment, our editors are besieged by information on bands, most of whom we've never heard of. Sifting through all that info, we inevitably encounter questionable band names. Actually, you could argue any moniker is questionable, but here we're talking about the really bad ones, and others that are at least kind of funny or otherwise charming. We write them down on an ever-expanding list over the course year then present them in our annual Worst Band Names feature. This list isn't a compendium of the worst names of all time, just the ones we encountered this year. Are you ready to rock?
Just plain bad
The Color Fred
Job For A Cowboy
From San Diego, home of Da Chargers.
Yo Moma's Big Fat Booty Band
"FunkHopRock 4 the Soul"
Shout Out Out Out Out
"What happens when 2 Hollywood rappers team up with a cracker from Oakland?" Don't ask.
The Asbestos Tampons
Among their MySpace friends: Tasty Twat Records
Malice In Wonderland
I Sank Molly Brown
Poetic Justice League 4 America
The Hobbits Of The Shire
Uprise Of The Dope Fiendz
Kidz In The Hall
Poets & Pornstars
Pistol Whipping Party Penguins
Baboon Torture Division
Their site proudly boasts that it ranks "1 for Baboon Torture Porn on Google."
Those Fucking Unicorns
Unicorn Dream Attack
Penguins With Shotguns
Tigers Can Bite You
Their MySpace page looks like it was designed by Homer Simpson.
Never mind the goofy name. "Electric Vagina is committed to grassroots marketing and building a fan base one person at a time," vows their bio.
Gay Witch Abortion
Headline on MySpace blog: "GAY BABY BUYING A TITAN 1 MISSILE BASE TO SURVIVE THE COMING ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE."
Dance Me Pregnant
Whore Du Jour
They apparently took their name from an Imperial Teen song.
Roger's Porn Collection
The Rape Ape
Raperies (Like Draperies)
Their entirety of their bio: "I'm putting the pieces together. I'm starting to add the dialogue. The storyboard is starting to take shape. And this can't end well. It just can't."
Proper Name/Title Combinations
The House That Gloria Vanderbilt
Lists "Baby Jesus" as an influence, and says they sound like "a snapping pussy." Their bio boldly proclaims, "the faggot has risen......fighting for the power of the queef...help us harness the escape of air from vaginas around the world......join the cult.be somebody."
Neil Diamond Phillips
"Part Neil Diamond, Part Lou Diamond Phillips, 100% Rock!" Sadly, the band doesn't sound like Lou Diamond Phillips singing Neil Diamond songs.
Does it make it better or worse that they're a Scottish blues band?
Goodbye Girl Friday
From their bio: "Basically, the idea behind Chevy Metal is that they play rock songs from the 70's, DIRT ROCK, as they say. Music that a meth dealer from 1973 would have listened to."
Generally speaking, it's a bad idea to state a genre classification in your name, but funk (and ska) bands have a compulsion to do so. The results are always terrible.
Phunk And Associates
This "down 'n dirty partylicious funkstation" briefly disbanded when a founding member left for school, but they decided to keep going, as "the phunk never leaves you."
Officially known as "Ivan Neville's Dumpstaphunk." Its website proudly states that its message board is "now %100 pornography free!"
You'd think a dot-com URL would be one of the perks of calling your band "Felonious Funk," but no, this Massachusetts band had to settle for a .net. (Someone's sitting on feloniousfunk.com.) Rest assured, though, their style—"smooth Jazz and Latin grooves to today's dance hits and all your Motown favorites"—are "perfect for any wedding, corporate or social event."
Fans of this Chicago funk-metal act needn't worry: Hellz Funk's second album, Corpse Flower, will be out soon, and it's "groovier, heavier, all together tighter than [first album] Damnitol and will be ready to bite off your genitals and French kiss em' in your mouth next year. Stay greasy Funkwads."
"Purveyors Of Soulful Groove"
United We Funk
Sadly, not a patriotic funk band that plays covers of stuff like Lee Greenwood's "God Bless The U.S.A."
Their URL? Funkparty.com. Their sound "has made them a favorite for Private Events hosted by A-List Celebrities, Dignitaries, Fortune 500 Companies, Weddings, and top clubs in the US."
Album: Your Politics Suck, on Buddha Bug Records.
Nu Funk Mafia
During the band's "flirtatiously spontaneous stage show," their "antics are only upstaged by unmistakable musicianship and songwriting skills."
420 Funk Mob
How can you make a band name with "funk" in it worse? Why, incorporate a pot reference, of course. This band of "funketeers" could only top that by adding a wang reference. Maybe 420 Funk Knob Mob? 420 Funk Mob Knob Slobs? Quick, residents of Colorado and Vermont, figure this out for us.
The Demon Funkies
They promise "the energy of Angus Young and confidence of James Brown" with music that has an "uncanny ability to draw people out of ordinary reality." They recently played the Funk Ball, not to be confused with Funkball®, New Zealand's felted wool ball that "adds value to your life as useful fun."
Related: Genre in name
Some jams featured on Live From Yucca Muthafucka: "Booze Rap," "Dayz Like Theze." Don't let their partying distract you, though, their serious goal: "Rap Scallions came together to make an impact on the world of music."
Any Swing Goes
Don't worry that this big band "from the heart of London" will be too pricey: "We're a semi-professional outfit; most of play for the love of it, which means that booking us is remarkably affordable." Not with how the dollar's doing against the pound right now!
Punk As A Doornail
The guitarist uses a homemade guitar made from an old skateboard, which is pretty badass.
Also related: Names implying boogying, grooving, or other hippie shit
They're German, but that's no excuse.
"What makes GROOVIN' HIGH the best Function Band in London?" They'll be happy to tell you. See their complete list of clients.
"Watching Wish Doctor is just like watching a real concert," boasts their bio. Wow, it's like you're seeing a real band?
Capitalist Hippie Complex
What's the recipe for the Capitalist Hippie Complex? They'll tell you:
1.5 oz top shelf Funk
2.0 oz conscious Hip Hop
1.0 oz underground Jazz
Mix with anything
add High Energy Twist
Serve Chill as a Motha Fucka
This Austin band wins for Best Opening Line Of A Band Bio: "34.7 hundred years ago, in the mountains of Echinacea, an elf gave birth to a baby elf."
1 | 2 | 3 |
EUROPE'S FINEST TOPLESS HONEYS
Ava Fiore is a Playboy model and 2002 Golden Gloves champion boxer. She was arrested on Wednesday night on I 80 east in Kimball, Nebraska. P...
SHE IS A POTENTIAL F D I L F !!! Meghan McCain is a 23-year-old, socially liberal John Kerry voter who loves Superbad, Dita von Teese, Bud L...
Wow Paulina still very perky at 44 ! Read about Paulas interesting childhood escaping the iron curtain THE NILES LESH PROJECT - ALL...
"Intelligence is the capacity to receive, decode and transmit information efficiently. Stupidity is blockage of this process at any po...
HOW DO YOU GET THIS JOB !!! Amy Smart is currently filming Crank 2, and from the looks of it, this movie is going to be better than Iron Man...
View the Niles Lesh - ADRIANA LIMA Photo Collection ! See ET's video of ADRIANA LIMA flying in the V1 JETS SEAPLANE
Missed it ? - The Archives !
- ► 2010 (80)
- ► 2009 (319)
- ► 2008 (1240)
- BEST INTERNET VIDEOS OF 2007 (BREAK.COM)
- ERICA CHEVILLAR - THE BIKINI TEACHER
- ADRIANA LIMA - ENHANCED UNDERWEAR
- THE LOST JAY LENO INTERVIEWS ???
- ISABELLA FONTANA = SEXY BRAZILIAN MODEL
- EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT FARTING !
- MOOSE GETS STUCK ON HIGH POWER WIRES ?
- NICKI HILTON - MORE MAUI BIKINI PICS
- FINALLY - A GIANT CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN ! ! !
- THE SIMPSONS HOUSE IS NOW REAL !
- WORST MOVIE OF 2007 "ILLEGAL ALIENS"
- NICKI HILTON - CHRISTMAS DAY - MAUI BEACH
- A SONG FOR 2007
- THE REVERSE TIME SYMMETRY SONG ???
- GREAT DANE HAS 19 CHRISTMAS PUPPIES !
- JEANNE CARMEN - 1950'S CHEESECAKE QUEEN
- THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS FOR REINDEER ?
- VALERIE BEGUE - MISS FRANCE "RISQUE" ?
- LUDIVINE SAGNIER _ NEWLY NUDE FOR 2008 FRENCH PLAY...
- STRAIGHT NO CHASER - BEST 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS EVE...
- SOUTH PARK - TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS
- EXTREME CHRISTMAS LIGHT HOME DECORATIONS
- MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ - SPENDING CHRISTMAS IN JAIL ?...
- PAINFULLY CUTE ANIMALS IN SANTA HATS
- HOW BIG IS YOUR $$$BONUS $$$ ?
- MIENFOKING OPTICAL ILLUSIONS !
- Graffiti Artist on the Loose in Bethlehem
- WORLD'S LARGEST SNOW SCULPTURE !
- FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US ! ! !
- 57 VARIETIES OF GEEKS
- EVA MENDEZ - P E T A " ANTI - FUR NAKED " AD
- DARK KNIGHT POSTERS
- THE ART OF " FIRSTING " ! ! !
- WORST BREAK UP EVER ! ! !
- HUMAN BODY FUN FACTS ! ! !
- JESSICA SIMPSON - JINX MASKS ???
- MONICA BELLUCCI - BELLISSIMA ! ! !
- HILLARY CLINTON - TOO SEXY TO BE PRESIDENT ?
- FINALLY - BACON CHOCOLATECHIP COOKIES ! ! !
- HOW TO PHOTOGRAPH A NUDE WOMEN
- FINALLY - "DOGS PLAYING POKER" 2.0 ! ! !
- MISS BELGIUM DOES NOT SPEAK DUTCH ???
- FERGIE - WETS HERSELF ON STAGE ???
- BEST PHOTO EVER OF AMY WINEHOUSE
- SEX PISTOLS JOHNNIE ROTTEN"GUITAR HERO"UK LAUNCH P...
- WTF - MAN GETS BREAST IMPLANTS IN LEG ???
- JESSICA SIMPSON - JINXES TONY ROMO ???
- GEMMA ATKINSON - ABOVE THE AVERAGE GEMMA
- GEMMA ATHERTON - NEW "REGULAR GUY" BOND GIRL
- THE DARK KNIGHT TRAILER
- GREATEST TOYS EVER ! ! !
- SECRET VOLLEY BALL BUTT SIGNALS EXPOSED !
- CELEBRITY MAKE UP REALITY CHECK
- DAVE CHAPPELL - F*CK ASHTON KUTCHER !
- The Worst Band Names Of '07
- SCARLETT JOHANNSON - 2008 CALENDAR
- WINONA RIDER - SEX WITH A DUMMY ?
- PARIS HILTON - PAINTED GOLD
- FINALLY - A PILL TO MAKE YOUR POOP GOLD !
- KATE BECKINSDALE - CHRISTMAS SHOPPING ?
- FINALLY - ROBOT SLAVES TO SERVE US ! ! !
- SUBWAY STRIPPERS - POLE DANCING ON THE "N" TRAIN
- MILLON DOLLAR CHILI PEPPER POT BUST ?
- CHRISTMAS SPIRIT - JUST FOR THE POOR ?
- THE GREAT WHOPPER "FREAK OUT" SCAM ???
- KATE MOSS - HANGING OUT IN MEXICO
- SOULJAJEW - CRANK DAT KOSHA BOY ???
- MITT ROMNEY - LOVES HIS PETS ???
- SURVIVOR - STEREOTYPE ISLAND ???
- WORTHINGTONS LAW ???
- TARA REID - BELLY FLAB FREE AGAIN !
- THE NEW HOME OF THE WHOPPER ! ! !
- TWO BLONDES DEBATING @ YOUTUBE DEBATES
- ADAM SANDLER - THE ORIGINAL HOLIDAY CLASSIC
- JENNA BUSH PHONES HOME ???
- LINDSAY LOHAN - BLACK OUTFIT
- KIERA KNIGHTLEY - INTERVIEW MAGAZINE
- HANK AZARIA - SIMPSON STORIES
- YOUNG RICH AND GOOD LOOKING $$$
- DO AMERICANS BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING ???
- Kangaroo farts could ease global warming
- AMY WINEHOUSE - JUNKIE GLAMOUR ???
- LAMBORGHINI "REVENTON"
- PERFECT GIFT FOR THE PERFECT W.I.F.E. ???
- RHINO POOP - THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING !
- HAVE A HAMMY CHANUKAH ! ! !
- THE BEST OF THE "GOT MILK" ADS
- THIS CHRISTMAS THEY WANT "LITTLE LADY" BEAUTY KIT...
- SHERRI SHEPPARD ' THE DEPTHS OF WISDOM"
- AWESOME AQUARIUM TOILET ! ! !
- DEWEY COX - WALK HARD "LETS DUET" CLIP
- Daily News lists Top 50 Dumbest People in Hollywoo...
- HERSHEY'S HOT NEW DRUG CANDY !!!
- HEATH LEDGER AS THE JOKER
- CLASSIC LOST FOOTAGE OF "THE WIZARD OF OZ" MUNCHKI...
- CLASSIC MIENFOKS - GET A NEW DADDY ???
- CLASSIC CARSON - THE ANIMALS
- PINK FLASHES PUSSY AT MUSIC AWARDS SHOW
- HEATHER MILLS "EDUCATIONAL HARD CORE"
- ANOTHER REASON FOR STARING AT BIG BOOBS
- ▼ December (104)